Check in with your Friends, Friends

When David was the manager at DQ, he met lots of people, and as a result, he has many more friends than he did before he started working there. People still know him as the DQ manager, even though he's been gone for almost two months now. Others have been very vocal that it's not the same without him. (I don't want to get into the negatives here.) When we go to the store together, he runs into so many of these friends. While it makes for some long shopping trips, I don't care. It's fun to meet and catch up with other people in town.

You would probably be surprised to know how many elderly folks use the DQ as their connection to the outside world. One of the benefits of David being the manager was that he got to see these elderly folks several times a week and check on them. Consequently, he helped a few who needed assistance. He became good friends with one particular elderly lady who lives alone and doesn't have any family in the area. She is fiercely independent, headstrong, and very stubborn. She is retired from the military (Air Force, I think) and also has a second retirement as, I think, an assistant to a high-ranking official, but I don't remember which government agency. She usually came to the DQ in the mornings before opening hours, but David never turned her away, even when they were closed. He always made sure she had coffee and something to eat. Sometimes, she came in later in the day and ordered off the DQ menu. More often, though, David prepared something for her from food he kept in the fridge for just such an occasion. (The local DQ doesn't serve breakfast.) Sometimes, she brought her bills in and David helped her sort out and pay her bills. Sometimes, her electricity got shut off, not because she didn't have the money to pay, but because she needed help with the reminders. David gently nudged her into setting up her accounts on automatic payment, but she never wanted to do that, so he went by her house often to check on her, to make sure everything was running smoothly, to help her pay her bills, to take out her trash, and to see if she had enough food. During one visit when I accompanied him, we learned that she had a son somewhere in Arizona, but she would not offer too much information because she was afraid we might call him and her son would make her leave her home that she loves so much. At the time, she was doing quite well on her own except for the bill-paying problems, so there wasn't a reason to think she couldn't continue. She got around well enough, still ran some of her own errands, and generally cared for herself.

Yesterday morning, David went into town to apply for a particular job he saw in the paper, and before he came back home, he stopped by the elderly lady's house. Her car was in the driveway, but the gate, which is usually closed and latched, was open. David went to every door, called her on the phone, etc., but couldn't reach her. He called the DQ to ask when they'd last seen her, which was three days ago. He had stopped by her house last week, but her car was gone, so he thought she may have gone to visit family in Arizona for the holidays. But they had seen her at the DQ since then.

It wasn't unusual for her to avoid coming to the door. Usually, when she realized it was David, she came to the door. He considered that maybe her son or another relative picked her up for the holidays. But something just didn't feel right, particularly because the gate was open. During past visits, when she was at home, the gate was always secured. David went to the sheriff's office to see if they could assist him in getting into the house, and they went back over there together. The doors were locked with chairs wedged under the door handles, her method of extra security. (My own grandmother did this as she aged. She worried about break ins.) They finally found an unlocked hidden door that led into her bedroom and managed to get the chair out from under the door handle. They found her on the bathroom floor, and immediately called emergency services. She was conscious but not in very good condition. They suspected her hip or leg was broken. She thought she was lying in her bed. She didn't realize she was on the bathroom floor.

While all this was going on, David called me at home.  I immediately went to work, googling her name and any other information I could find about someone in Arizona with the same last name. Unfortunately, she has the same name as a celebrity, which makes it tough to find info about anyone but the celebrity! However, I found her sister's obituary, which led me to her sister's surviving husband (a former postal employee of many years), which led me to his obituary, which led me to his surviving sons, who (in 2007, at least) were living nearby. I was frustrated, though, because I couldn't find telephone listings for anybody in these obituaries. One of the guys had a blog, but it hadn't been updated since 2008. (Yesterday afternoon, we found out those relatives had moved away.) Back at the lady's house, while they were tending to her, the phone rang and David asked the sheriff's deputy if he could answer it. Miraculously, it turned out to be the son from Arizona! Within a few minutes, he was on his long trip to get to his Mom, but not before David and he had a laugh about how fiercely stubborn she is about maintaining her home and living alone. I think, based on what the son said, he felt guilty that it was David there with his mom instead of him, but the guilt has no basis. Her son did all she allowed him to do for her.

This morning, David went to see her in the hospital. He thought he'd check on her, then take her favorite thing to her, a strawberry shake. Even with HIPAA and all the privacy laws, they have allowed him to visit her and know a little about her condition. David had called the night before to check on her, but wasn't able to talk to anyone about her. Unfortunately, this morning, she is in pretty bad shape, is mostly unaware of what is happening, and is now in renal failure, which could have been caused by dehydration, but who knows. She doesn't "believe" in doctors, so she's had little to no medical care. In spite of this (perhaps because of it?), she is 84 and until now, got around pretty well. (During one of our visits, she told me about the big box full of meds her late sister took daily, and this made her quite angry. She was certain the med interactions had contributed to her sister's death.) David is staying with her at the hospital until they airlift her to a bigger city for more advanced care. Her son hasn't arrived yet, but David reached him by phone, so he has changed routes and is now on his way to the bigger city.

Please keep this lady in your thoughts and prayers. I hope she pulls through, but maybe this is her time. Personally, I don't think she's done yet. David is understandably upset as he has gotten to know her very well over the last year. Her stubbornness and independence reminds David of his own late mother. Whatever the outcome, I hope she is free from pain. I hope she isn't too mad at David. Yesterday, when she was in better shape, she thanked him several times, but was aware that her living-alone days may be over. She's such an interesting person with so many stories to tell.

The point of my story is this... when your inner voice nags you, listen to it! Better to be wrong now than sorry later. Also, don't question or doubt the reasons for your circumstances. (This lesson is for me.) If we had more money to spare right now, we would have been traveling. We are free to do whatever we want right now because I'm taking vacation and holiday time, and don't have to be back at work until Jan 3. This lady would have stayed on her bathroom floor, perhaps with a very sad and lonely ending to her story.

Take care, dear readers, and enjoy this holiday season.