Erma Gwendolyn Crawford Grantham - 7/23/1918 - 3/14/2008

I am stopping in to post an update. Mother died Friday, March 14, 2008, at 8:55 am. I was with her. It was just the two of us as it had been at times throughout her time in our home. I prayed for her to go easily and without pain. Although she had some difficulties during the night, she went to sleep at about 2 am, and was resting peacefully until the morning. She did not need anymore pain medication after her 2 am dose. I am grateful for that.

Fred and Mary Ann came on Thursday evening. They left and were on their way back home but planning to return Friday evening. Instead, Fred called me later Thursday night and said they decided to stay the night. Mary Ann and James spent the night at Bob and Heather's home and Fred came back to sit vigil with me. He arrived after midnight. I am so glad he came back. David was out of town and Jamie was sleeping upstairs. I didn't want Jamie to see her Grandma's physical condition as it changed so much during the night. I am certain Jamie would have been strong and calm as she always is. She was such a big help and comfort during those last days. Fred and I had some time to talk, which we haven't had in a long time. He was there with me, too, when Mother had some distressing moments starting at about 1:30 am. We decided to call the emergency Hospice nurse and gave her a round of pain meds. She fell asleep at about 2 am and seemed to be resting comfortably. The Hospice nurse elevated the head of her bed a bit, noting that I didn't have her propped up enough to make her as comfortable as she could be.

At 4 am, Fred told me to go to bed to try to get some rest, and I did. I couldn't imagine at that moment how I would ever sleep, but I slept soundly until 8:20 am, at which time David texted me to see if I was awake. Before I went to bed, I gave Fred a blanket and pillow so he could rest on the couch in Mother's room. I believe he instead stayed at her bedside. After I got up, Fred left at 8:45 am. In those minutes before he left, I made myself a pot of coffee and prepared some ice water. I sat down beside Mother's bed just after Fred left. At about 8:53 am, she opened her eyes for a few moments and it was as if she saw me, as if she waited for me. She took her last breath at 8:55 am. In the moment after her last breath, I whispered in her ear that it was ok for her to go, and I just kept repeating go, go, go, go in her ear. At 9:00 am, I called Hospice, then family members to let them know she was gone. Doris, Mother's nurse, was here within about 20 minutes and stayed with Jamie and me as we sat beside Mother's bed and talked. Fred, Mary Ann, Heather and Bob came and we were together with Mother in her room. Jim (chaplain) and Les (social worker) came, too, and Jim said a beautiful prayer as we all gathered around her bedside. I was able to say goodbye to her, as was everyone including the Hospice team. I spent a little time with her alone before the funeral directors took her.

David arrived with Darien about an hour and a half after Mother died. Tessa flew in from Nashville on Saturday afternoon. She decided to stay home all week, which isn't good for school but I think it's necessary for her and the rest of us to be together.

Her funeral and burial was yesterday (Monday, March 17) at Corley in Corsicana. It was a very nice service. Mother had pre-planned everything down to the last detail, which made it so nice for all of us. I remember when she was doing the planning and she called me to tell me that she picked a casket - the Ruby model. She thought it was a little ornate but decided to go with it anyway. Well, it was really pretty - appropriately named Ruby and embellished with carved roses. Carrie sang a beautiful tribute to her, and Mother's pastor and Carrie both read some of her poetry and one of the hymns she wrote. Mother's friends who are in a choir sang some of her favorite hymns, too. Jamie made a very moving video and audio tribute to her which played near the guest book. She chose "Foggy Dew," a beautiful Irish song for the audio. The flowers and plants were so pretty. Cathy's lifelong friend, Lynne, sent 3 roses which Mother held in her hands. Her pallbearers were, at her request, Fred, Bob G, Bob H, AJ, James M and Gary. She asked that James G walk behind her casket and he did. At the brief graveside service at Younger Cemetery, Terry Neal played Amazing Grace on the bagpipes. It was very touching. We had our eyes closed in silent prayer as he played and he slowly walked away so the sound faded into the air. It was very symbolic, to me, of the entire process of death. We put Mother's bible along with various bookmarks - 1 of Mama Crawford's, 1 that Fred, Mary Ann and James gave her, and other cards. I also decided that Bob's book, "A Breaker's Son", autographed specially for Mother, would go with her, too. She was so proud of his book.

In the afternoon after the service, some of us gathered at a restaurant in Corsicana and had an early supper together. It was moving and comforting, too, to share our memories of her.

I thought I would feel relief at Mother's passing - she was suffering - but I have intense grief. I know grief is expected, but I feel a large hole where she once was and cannot help wondering if I did all for her that I could. At various times throughout the day, I find AJ or David or Jamie or Tessa sitting alone in her room. I cannot seem to stop crying.

Caring for an aging parent is never easy as roles shift from parent to child, child to parent. I did not realize how difficult it would be to suddenly give up the relationships we formed with Hospice employees and volunteers - Doris, Toni, LaShanda, Jim, Dan, Les, Ruth. I hope Mother knew how much we all enjoyed having her here with us and hearing her stories and laughter.

I - we - will miss her always.